Blue Like Jazz

Over a year ago, our pastor quoted from Donald Miller’s Blue Like Jazz in one of his sermons. I don’t remember the quote exactly, but I remember that it made me sit up and take notice. It sounded like the author was speaking directly to me. I made note of the book and author, and have been planning to read it ever since.

Sometime shortly after that sermon, someone gave me a copy of the book. They had an extra copy for some reason, and they thought that I would enjoy it. I happily accepted it, and then lost track of it.

Recently I came across the book on my shelf, and thought that it was high time for me to read it. I’m glad I did.

The subtitle of the book “Nonreligious Thoughts on Christian Spirituality”, nicely hints at the tone of the book. Miller is clearly a committed follower of Christ, but he hesitates to call himself a Christian. Christians have done too many bad things over the centuries for Miller to be comfortable identifying himself with them.

In fact, in what I found to be one of the most moving passages from Blue Like Jazz, Miller describes a confession booth that he and some friends set up on a college campus during a weekend of heavy partying on campus. However, the confession booth had an usual spin. Rather than accept the confessions of others, Miller and his friends confessed their own sins, and the sins of the Christian Church.

It might sound easy to confess the sins of the church at large. After all, I don’t feel personally responsible for the Crusades, or for repressing scientific exploration, or for misusing religion to support racial segregation. Yes, I can easily confess those sins of Christianity to the world at large. We have done an awful lot in the name of faith that really is a misrepresentation of Jesus.

However, the confession got a lot more personal.

“Jesus said to feed the poor and to heal the sick. I have never done very much about that. Jesus said to love those who persecute me. I tend to lash out, especially if I feel threatened, you know, if my ego gets threatened. Jesus did not mix His spirituality with politics. I grew up doing that. It got in the way of the central message of Christ. I know that was wrong, and I know that a lot of people will not listen to the words of Christ because people like me, who know Him, carry our own agendas into the conversation rather than just relaying the message Christ wanted to get across. There’s a lot more, you know.”

Sometimes, it takes a lot of strength for me to say that I believe in Jesus. I find myself wondering what I even mean by saying “I believe in Jesus.” What I find so refreshing in Miller is his willingness to address this type of question and doubt and insecurity, and also his dedication to trying to follow Christ regardless of those questions.

It reminds me of one of my favorite passages from the New Testament. In the book of John, just before Jesus raises Lazarus from the dead, Jesus tells his disciples to follow him back to a dangerous territory, where they had nearly been killed. Thomas, my all-time favorite disciple, says, “Well, let’s follow him, so we can die with him.” Despite Thomas’ confusion, and his logical brain telling him that nothing good can come of it, he still feels compelled to follow. That’s where I am, and Miller seems comfortable with the messiness and ambiguity of our faith.